Linda Common - My Journal

Being a teenager was never easy. Especially being a girl that did not like to participate in the teenager-type activities. I was raised listening to classical music and participating in the conversations of adults, so, therefore, when it was time for me to become a teenager I was much more mature than the rest of my fellows.  I used to spend more time in the library reading or with my teachers talking about economy, politics and all other grown up processes than looking to go to the mall or playing with love.

It would not have been such terrible times if it weren’t for the envy and hate that I developed. I know the teasers and bullies got married but I do not know if they are happy I was teased, mocked, and bluntly attacked - not only by students but even by some teachers.

All because I did not fit in, and yet, now that I look back on everything at the tender age of 60, I realize that it was the less traveled road.  Indeed, it made the entire difference.  All in all, if I would change a thing about my life, well, maybe I’d erase them all.

There are lots of things that a woman can and cannot take, and I am not referring to the violent stuff; I mean that there are things that women might not be able to do, or willing to do.

I was not willing to take on children.  When it was time to become pregnant and have a family I was not in love enough to consider having children and as time progressed, I simply decided I did not care to change diapers, deal with homework and attitudes.  I do not have the same romantic sight on children as many women do.

And this is what I mean about knowing what you can and cannot take on, and acting responsible about it. I have time and time again seen many women that think that they are up to the task of being mothers and wives and find themselves hating every little thing about their lives and acting accordingly.  What is the point with manhandle their children? None. However, they still do it believing it will relieve their own frustrations and anger.

It would have been better if they had refrained from having children; women need to know themselves and their capabilities.

I was just approached by a friend.  His stepson has some problems with reading and he wanted me to tell him what he should do, since he wanted the boy to be able to enjoy all books.  I asked him what books he had been giving the child to read, he answered most of the classical; I immediately thought on La Fontaine, Aesop, Grimm and Perault but he replied: Garcia Marquez, Whitman and the like.  I laughed about 20 minutes and saw my friend’s face get angrier and angrier.  When I could finally stop laughing I explained to him that it was important to entice the child with lectures that will teach him something and still be of his liking.

I sighed and explained that there was no point in giving his stepson books that my friend likes because they do not share the same age group. And I told him about all the children’s books even the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew series; he reluctantly took my advice and asked me to go to the store with him, he then bought his stepson 5 different titles.

Needless to say, the boy read them all in just one week.

Once I decided to quit smoking, every single cigarette brand seemed appealing to me.  Once I decided to reduce my sugar intake, everyone seemed to be giving me sweets.  And once I decided to take it slowly, all kinds of activities seemed to sprout around me.

It has always amazed me how easily life will tease you, to see if your determination is true and well defined. For many years I wondered if the devil or any other evil entity was responsible for such bumps on the road, but I know better. We do not need the devil or anyone else to trip ourselves in the path of becoming better people.

Becoming a better person is not an easy task.  The human race is known for its weaknesses and flaws, there is nothing that can assure us that we will be able to correct them properly and we are not certain that we will be able even to devote ourselves entirely to them. So, we are not able to perfect ourselves and we are not able to loose ourselves.  All we can do is strive to perfection either way, fully aware that it might escape eternally.

My friend had a dog she loved dearly and who she thought on to be kind of a daughter for her.  One day she was bit by a tick and infected with Lyme’s disease; to her grief the physicians were not able to realize of the disease until it was excessively late and there was nothing left to do but to euthanize her. I remember she cried softly, though her face expressed the deepest parts of her grief.

She sought comfort in her family and bumped into the selfishness of her father who blamed her, the vets and everyone else on the death of her dog. He threw a fit and drove away without looking back.  She took the body of her beloved friend and took her home where she spent all night hugging the corpse and caressing her hair.

After the proper rituals she found that her father had bailed on the entire family because he said, ‘he felt betrayed by everyone, since it was her and her mother and her sister that had mainly caused the dog’s demise’.  All through the months that followed the death and until he finally left she never heard her father say: “I am sorry for you”